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Me,Myself,and I
Monday, October 31, 2005
Blind, Deaf and Numb..October 31
Mood:  blue
Topic: My Poetry

Blind Deaf and Numb

Written October 31st 2005


I have not to say
What vile things i hold
For I have been told
If its not nice than its not worth saying at all
And it's true
Better vented throught words, poems
A hate letter shredded and burnt
So it may dissapate into the earth and be gone forevermore
Ive quit i tall now
Until somone starts shit with me again
But next time
I hope
I wont explode
As i did
Though i wish to tell her off
Strangle until she turns blue
I am better than that and her in so many ways
And its he who is missing out
On the great person i am
Sucks for him..
Sucks for him..
So blind and beaf and numb to around him
He may never see..
Oh how he may never see...

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 4:03 PM EST
Updated: Monday, October 31, 2005 4:04 PM EST
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Untitles 10/27/05
Mood:  blue
Topic: My Poetry

Untitiled

October 27th 2005
Please help me from these lies I consume myself with
Choaking
Smothering
Til I can no longer breathe
And I die
You are killing my slowly
In your antagonizing hate
Bitter tears
Harsh words of denial
The betrayl
All is lost
From me and you
Its over..

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 6:55 PM EDT
You will pay
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: My Poetry

You'll Pay

October 17th
You’ll pay
For all the tears you made me cry
You’ll pay
For all the hate you’ve instilled in me
You’ll pay
For all the lies
You’ll pay
For all the shit you didn’t tell me
You’ll pay
For breaking my heart
You’ll pay
For letting me go
You’ll pay
For her and you
You’ll pay…
Ah..screw all of you

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 6:52 PM EDT
Blue-Purple...
Mood:  hug me
Topic: My Poetry

Blue Purple

October 28th 2005
I told myself,
I wouldn't cry,
Id shrug it off like all the lies,
Everything
that was said and done
But seeing her
Instead of me in your arms
Irked me
More than words can say
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ME
Not her
Then i let them flow
Without care
this drama is getting to be too much
Ive never wished death upon one
But this just took the fucking cake
Its all your fucking fault..
Slut
Fucking Bitch
Your gonna die
I yell as I hop into the car
Wanting nothing more than to go home
Slamming doors
And just my luck
Her mum parked next to us
But I dont fucking care
As I zone out
Staring at the RP Champlain lights from afar
All these Evanescence songs
I feel
I understand
As I sing
Under my breath
And if anyone shall ask how I feel I'll say
Is take all Evanescence songs minus Tourniquet
Jam them all together
And tourniquet,
What i wish upon her
Upon me
The moment i saw them
My anger overtook me
I couldnt breathe
not able to control it
THat little cut, bitch ,slut (i would add whore but)
Ah fuck it, shes prlly one of those too
And as much as I hate to point fingers
Its all her fault
And that sluts gonna die..
Mark my words
Mark my fucking words..

I just dont fucking know anymore
what to do with myself
Woe is me,
A million things going on at once
I say oh well
Time to move on at first
but i just shut everyone out when i saw them together
I almost lept up and strangled that bitch stil she turned my fav colour blue purple
To fuck with you
Ignoring them
When every second theyre getitng closer to being all over one another
Sickening
and im fucking sick of it
And then came the point when i was all alone,
Consumed in my tears
The rest of the dance just slipped away
I wished i had something sharp
A day later: Im glad i didnt

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 10:48 AM EDT
Updated: Saturday, October 29, 2005 6:46 PM EDT
Sunday, October 23, 2005

well im official hyper-active as far as the wshole thyroid thing is...the pep rally was better then i thought it would be JUN IORS KICKED ASSS!!!!! Boo ya we rock hmm well lets see spent the night at kays had myself in curles but they budgged me really bad lol saturday....o god dont get me statrted Homecoming was the worst dancei had ever went to and its not only my night sucked but the dj as well leave it too the cheerleaders to pick the shitty dj lol jk but what took the cake was the whole breaking down thing i just couldnt take it nemroe I wanteed to talk to him and when i finally got the nerve he just walked away from me. but i guess were going to sort all this shit out tongiht so, things r getting better i guess.. I just wish that maybe the whole him and i thing never happened maybe it wasnt meant to be...maybe the whole true love thing is a bunch of bull shit..i think as far as the whole bf thing goes im waiting a while..its just not worth it nemore nothing is..sorry im still in a down mood..:sigh: well me thinks i shall leave it here though i still have much to wrtie about..tty l pc luvs and hug

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 4:30 PM EDT
Saturday, October 15, 2005

hmm wut to say i dunno..so m uch stuff going on ....garr i have to miss school on tuesday :( no pjs and seeing kenny in a toga lmao i cant belie ve i have to miss it for some stupid test that could be taken another day.now im sidetracked by 5 convos lol adios for now

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 7:27 PM EDT
Wednesday, October 5, 2005

Mood:  not sure
Je ne sais pas quoi jaime..Jai pour en longtemps. Je suis tres heurex que Alex nous nous introduit. Parce que je ne jamias trouve le bonne homme tu es. TU sont poli, tu aime moi pour moi,Mais toi, cest aussi un chose je ne peut pas expliquer. Tu est tout les chose jaim. Tu est tout comme moi. Mais quand le relationship a toi et moi arriver, je suis compliquer. A ses temps avec le autre person dans le passe, je auirais diriger par-dessus les talons(head over heels) avec il. Mais toi, tu est different. Tu est moi sont alles ralentir est rapidement a le aussi. Tu est moi, nous avons les deux cotes(sides). Cest complex mais A ses weekend, Je rendu compte je suis le chance avoir toi. Tu est tout le monde a moi. Est jadore toi, mais pour le moment, cst un peut... lol try to make sense of it.i certainly cant, pardon my poor french. Litterally

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 8:15 PM EDT
Tuesday, October 4, 2005
:sigh:
hmm what to say..its been like how long since i actually wrote sumything in this? like 3 month oh the shit that has gone on ..:sigh: well Dennis and I are no more...it irrupted into this large thing i just try to forget it but i cant...then he goes around telling everyone I "cheated on him" oh when i found out i ccalled that little lying sack of shit striat..no, i broke up with you cause Im sickl of you! serious..thats what i said lol, im such a bitch but i got a new bf now, a week and a half its been but it seems longer lol almost lost the window for asec, god that wouldpissed me off royally, things were going good, friday was awesome i practically hung out wiht him the rest of the day and i started to realize things about him and i...how much more we have in common and i love it...its like when im with him, idk i feel safe, i feel like..damnm drawing a blank but whatever i could explain on and on abouot it and never get it strait out but i like him alot..tho i say i love him i truly havent felt it yet, yea i mena i say it but like i say that to everyone i care anout its just the way iam..but its not like that head on rush i used to get, like omg i love him im gonna be wiht him forever..all that BS..lol but i feel sumething and as youl l see my imaginary friend who reads this..you will sumwhat understnad more of what i mean...but this weekend i began to realize more...like i turned 16 and i didnt feel it and i miss being little..then i stareted to getting alot of pamphlets about colleges and omg im csoo confuzzled but my man just got online so im gonna cut this short and continue it l8r peace out invisible freind.. lol :hugs:

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 6:59 PM EDT
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Im Sorry
Im Sorry
Not looking forward to tonight,
The minutes tick away,
All too fast,
The descision rests,
Heavily,
Upon my shoulders,
Trying to form the words in my mind,
Making the connection to my lips,
Work again,
Its over,
Between him and I,
Ive known it for a while,
Cause I dont feel anything while with him,
Anymore,
Dont feel anything when i kiss him,
Maybe i never did,
Nothing feels right,
when I look in his eyes,
I try so hard not to cry,
Ive held this from him,
Far too long,
Its time to move on,
Even though,
At the moment I'd rather be single,
For a while at least,
A couple more hours,
Til I break the news,
And hopefully we can still be friends,
Unlike all my other ex's,
I dislike,
So much,
For breaking my heart,
But this,
Will be mutal,
You said yourself,
I hope,
So Ill sit,
For this bit,
Forming the words,
Hopefully they can come out this time..

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 8:27 PM EDT
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Where I Belong
Mood:  amorous
Topic: My Poetry

Where I Belong
Written May 26th 2005


They say you lie,
They say you cheat,
Just saying what I've want to hear,
Sweeping me off my feet,
But it feels as though I'd know if you were lying,
Just and instinct I've acquired recently,
But your a hard read behind those blue eyes,
They captivate me by their deepness,
I don't want to believe they're right,
Dont want it to be,
Because I've love you more than words can say,
And I've wanted you so bad in the worst way,
You seem as though you've changed alot,
From the way you used to be,
The way they talk of,
I want it to be this way forever,
We have so much in common,
A perfect fit,
Every night I wait to call you,
Because with you I talk so easily,
Despite being like you,
Not being a phone person,
Those 3 words I say before I leave you on the phone,
I love you,
These words come from deep within my heart,
The place that you have wedged your way into,
From the moment we met until this very day,
Just to lay in your arms,
In the still of the night,
Your soft breath upon my neck,
The warmth of your body so close to mine,
Your kiss still lingering upon my lips,
Because forever here,
Is where I wish to be,
Where I want to be,
Where I need to be,
Where I belong....



Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 6:34 PM EDT
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Meant To Be
Mood:  amorous
Topic: My Poetry

Meant To Be
Written May 24th 2005

Just one kiss upon your lips,
In your arms,
I'm eternally yours,
Because it's meant to be...


Without you life seemed so useless,
So incomplete,
Until now when I realize,
How meant we are to be,
They say it's always someone you least expect,
Now I believe it for a fact,
Because it was you,
In your arms kissing you softly,
I really felt it,
Those feelings everyone longs for,
That feeling that tells you,
They're the one,
I had thought in the past it was another,
But maybe it was supposed to be this way,
Because it was the fate of him and I,
That brought you and I together,
It's taken 3 months to get up the courage,
To call you,
And it's worth every second to hear your voice,
So soft and sweet,
Caring,
Loving,
Understanding,
Respectful,
Joking,
Serious,
All the qualities I love in one,
I have known you for so long,
Yet now I realize how little I know of you,
Your childhood,
Your past,
Present,
The future I hope to be a part of,
Because it's now I realize,
Laying here in the dark,
Tears rolling down my cheeks,
That you and I were meant to be...
We


Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 7:25 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, May 25, 2005 7:33 PM EDT
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Even In My Dreams
Mood:  blue
Topic: My Poetry

Even In My Dreams
Written May 18th 2005


Amidst this rampant confusion,
I see your face,
Calling out your name,
I beckon thee,
Running for you,
All time passes by and still you are far,
My cries are a gentle whisper upon thine ears,
I am invisible to you,
Then upon a stroke of luck,
Dreams would have it,
You see me,
In a split second,
The barriers erased,
And once more I fall into your loving embrace,
But your huggs,
You kiss,
Just isn't the same,
Unreal,
Cold,
Non-existent,
A thousand miles away,
Something is keeping you there,
Holding you back,
Protecting from your escape
Will, Perhaps?
Once again you disappear,
fade away,
Ive lost you again,
Lost myself,


And I wonder
What does it all mean?


'Cause even in my dreams,
You feel a thousand miles away.....

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 7:18 PM EDT
Monday, May 23, 2005
I LOVE HIM
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Diary" Entries
OMG it so amazing what one call can do....so nervous was i to pick up the phone and call when i got his number last night.....then i did it, thank you alex so much, you have no idea how much you helped me realize, without you and mikey id still be having those bad fears like those i had of what could come. Needless to say im calling him again tonight :-D and finally to him just an hr ago i said those 3 words..I LOVE YOU
and how good it felt to get those words out cause i realize now....tomorrow could be too late, and that every chance that i get i should tell him how i truly feel...omg I LOVE HIM SO MUCH words cannot describe how i feel right now....i really hope alycias ok when i heard her name from my teacher, i had somehow deeply knew inside it was her, how i tried to hold back the tears by digging my nails into my arms theres still marks because it was so deep, finally it got too much to handle and came out...im so thankful to have mikey there by my side, me and my pessimism and all.....i cant help but think the bad side of things...its just the way i am....if i could i would call and make sure she was all right..::sigh:: poor dennis, his situation worse, i never knew how bad some things can truly be, he lost one of his friends last night,I want to hugg him so close and never let him go cause tm it could be him..or anyone at that...sigh.....words cannot decribe how i feel right now but I LOVE HIM so much but at the same im worrying for my friend who went to the hospital today in an ambulance, My best friend, the one who is like a sister to me,::sigh::...well i guess ive fillled upmy meaningless space today, ive gotten alot out which is good.. and i get to call him soo and tlak some more...I LOVE HIM!!!!!!! omg ive never felt so happy!!! pc luvs and huggs to mah homies

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 7:42 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, May 23, 2005 8:05 PM EDT
Saturday, May 21, 2005

::sigh:: so much is going on right now, 2 of my x-bfs still have "feelings" for me. Studying for 4 regents exams. Dennis..The summer..., there is just so much going on its making me go crazy...I have wrote 18 poems since the beginning of the year. All of which have had to do somehting with a topic that is on my mind now....im freezing my ass off omg its sooooon cold....:sigh: go i wish dennis could be here right now to warm me up.....not that u sicko...just to have him hold me in his arms, thats all i want right now is to be held in his arms and he is not there. I have needed him to hold me in his arms for the past 3 months....but has he been ther no...! maybe coreys right..maybe he doesnt care about me, he forgot about me....wel once i ge his number im gonna call him and give him a piece of my mind....::sigh:: that is if i get up enough courage to call him.....chances of that are slim...::Sigh:: i just wish he woudl get ahold fo me first so i didnt have to do it, not because im lazy, just because im afraid...i really am afriad of what may happen i realize it now... Got a defficiancy in chorus :sigh: not that it matters right? i mean chances are that i wont be in chorus next yr so why even bother...Its because ive missed a theory assignment...JUST 1..I MEAN OMFG its just a piece of godamn paper!oh yea mental note black cloud was written 2/22/05 make that 19 poems...wholy crap not even including my away messages..and what last yr less than 10 i know..its just been a bad year so far....and i thought things were gonna change going out with dennis..I was naive enough to do something as stupid...u know wut else is stupid, not calling my friend alycia, so uch i wish i could to console her, her and dan were so good together too!! :sigh: hes gonna get a yelling at from me monday i know that, dman i just thought today was sunday, ive really got it bad.. :sigh well i guess ive filled up my usles space, plus i w anna work on this thing i started today....pc luvs and :huggs:: to those who want em...

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 7:45 PM EDT
Sunday, May 15, 2005
YEEHAW AND A BARREL OF PORK RHINDS LMAO
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Diary" Entries
::Sigh:: havent written in this in a while except for my poems....nothing else new still havent seen dennis in a long time, still depressed as always, same old crap...I got my hair dyed again....red it doesnt look as good as i waanted it too but oh well ill live....::sigh:: its hard to when one of the people you care about is never there and lives far away and could eb doing god knows wut right now...i worry too much....it could be alot worse,I guess..that dream i had about him last night was pretty weird...maybe its my worst fear...dennis going uber prep...ahh the horror lmao maybe theres something to that dream, maybe it has to do with my fear of change.....who th hell knows...anyways im not in a really philisophical mood..lmao i learnt meow mix on my guitar....BADASS..yea nother thing..the whole alex thing..that is some fucked up...but who am i to say, im not him, and mayb ur right kay, maybe a part of me still cares about him in a weird way, maybe im just lonely who the fuck knows?All i kno is its tearing me apart and im almost am close to going crazya nd hurting myself again....correction get drunk than hurt myself....yea thats the way to go..jump off a bridge..wont hurt a bit... yea.....:sigh:: well id better go, ive written up my usless amout of space for today....plus i gotta finish typing up hw.....bleh..humans rights....YEEE HAWW and a barrel of pork rinds lol.....that was weird...ikd where the hell that came from.....pc luv and ::huggs:t o those who want them...!

Posted by gothicbtrflyz at 8:03 PM EDT

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